It follows on nicely and reinforces the importance in believing in myself, that my last blog was about letting go of the past, and embracing the future without being afraid… and this one looks more at positives that have appeared since then. I try to have new music and themes to focus on every time I blog and this time is no different, this blog ‘Waiting For This’ goes alongside the recent output of ‘Waiting For You’. The blog and the song both focus on encountering new feelings, feelings that I have been waiting for, for a very long time, feelings that put me more at ease with myself.
For me it has always been easy to write songs that dwell upon the past and any negatives I may be able to attach to it and, by the same token, hard to write positive ones. I have now realised that writing songs, for me anyway, comes from a much deeper place than I thought it did. By this I mean that I used to think that I just decided what to write songs about and that songs refferimg to dark feeling and difficult relationships were a choice and ‘my style’ but I’m starting to see it differently with new situations and new material. I can now see that the lyrics that come out of me are directly linked to my fundamental feelings and how comfortable and happy I am in myself. I can now feel my happiness with myself improving and without really noticing while writing so are the emotions in my songs and I think ‘Waiting For You’ is a reflection of that.
As the title of the blog states, I’ve been waiting for this, a time in my life that I can actually look at myself in the mirror and know the person looking back at me, a time when I can be truly happy for other people and a time when I can feel content to watch the world go by and not feel like I must be striving to prove myself in order to feel personally satisfied. I feel that this is reflected in my current attitudes towards my music and weirdly enough that feeling of being satisfied enough to relax and let the world go by at whatever pace it wants, has actually made me more productive and successful. The reason for my new found self-actualisation can be found within the lyrics to my new song. While wandering, aimlessly though the wilderness I met somebody, someone who has awakened something inside me that I didn’t know was there, a desire just to love and be loved and alongside this everything else has just seemed to take care of itself. Partly due to things I have learned about myself and relationships in the past and massively because of how much I adore her, I wake up everyday and make her happiness my number 1 priority and because her priority is the same for me, everything just falls in to place. As well as supporting me, she makes active moves to push me into the unknown, to try new things and to test myself to expand what I thought was possible, this then makes me rise to the challenge and makes me develop at a faster pace while at the same time feeling like I settling down, which is also a new feeling for me. This has also transcended into my relationships with family and friends, I no longer feel like I am being judged anymore which makes me feel more relaxed when around I’m around people and also have noticed I am more able to tell them what they mean to me, how they have helped me and to recognise when I can be helping them or even just wishing them well.
I would just like to say at this point that this blog is not saying that I have been constantly unhappy up to this point because that is definitely not the case, I have had a brilliant life, a great relationship that I would never want to forget and done some amazing things. It is just that there has always been something within me that has felt un-satisfied and always had to deal with what felt like an inner fight. This made it hard to choose to do the right thing at times which got worse and feeling like this gets harder and harder to live with until you wake up one day and don’t recognise yourself. You then realise that something very fundemental had to change.
Anyway, back to what it’s all about, the music and my new song…. I posted the new video, that is below, just over a month ago and has turned out to be my best performing release so far with nearly 50 shares and 2100 views on Facebook up to this point. This proved to me that positivity is the way and that my best material can and will be in front of me. I can feel that a lot of my music on the horizon will be using my new muse and maybe a new chapter in the direction of the themes in my music. Or.. maybe it won’t, maybe my style will continue to be quite a somber one albeit with happier lyrics, all I know is that whatever I am doing, I will be happy, feel loved and be content in knowing that wherever it takes me, she will be there.
Pls check out the video below and pls comment and/or share.
Thanks for reading. CF.